krystal danielle lou

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 17:26:53 GMT

its been a while.

ive come to hating this thing. so if you want to know whats going on. just ask me.

im getting one. as soon as possible.

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 23:07:27 GMT

thats all i really have to say.

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 06:36:22 GMT

it was a good fight.

but i gave in and bought myself an ipod.
an 80GB ipod. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
oh me.

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 16:06:45 GMT

i had a wonderful night at miss mcdaniel's thanksgiving eve party.

i got home just in time to step out of the car and watch my cat get run over. and twitch in the street. [not dahm. it was trin]
i was about 5 feet away. the car didnt even slow down.

rest in piece split face.

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 00:40:06 GMT

so i figued out the solution to my dilemma.

ill move to a new city every few years. and take on a new name/identity. change my "profession" and lie through my teeth.
ill change my laugh too. so i wont give myself away.

where in it all, is jane. the writer
where's olivia the actress?
where's bjorn the photographer?
where's mulan the nude model?
where's anyone in the world?

the adventures of a girl happily living as a fake.

[i accidentally unlocked the very first memory of you today. at the wrong place. at the wrong time. to the wrong song.]

turns out i was a vampire myself.

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 23:37:24 GMT

first i wanted to be a painter.
then a photographer
then a beautician
then a psychologist
then back to a photographer
tehn a musician
[i wanted to be a writer and a film director for a few seconds in the mess of that too]
and now.

an acrobat.
im running away from all of you. and joining the circus.

i want to do everything. and i cant decide on one.
maybe ill just persue all of them at the same time.
maybe i could do it. maybe it would work.
maybe id just go completely insane and not have to worry about it anymore.

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 03:09:54 GMT

i think my least favorite feeling is realizing im living with a false brain.
and i dont know about my heart. i kind of hate it either way.
who cares if you're false.
its all really disappointing.
i strongly dislike how i only feel like writing in this when im sad.
why cant i write and tell you guys how happy i am.

im really not a downer.
im positive and free.

fuck i dont know what im talking about.

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 19:13:26 GMT

i had a dream last night. about everyone i know.
i think you were in it. but you were just sitting there. and i had to go.
but i made sure to tell you i loved you as i ran by.

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 19:04:40 GMT

i say i want to keep my life positive. but then i fuck up once.. and then i wanna fuck up more because im sick of myself and i just dont care enough.

once i start moving forward.. i move back in a different aspect of my life and then it balances me out to where i was before.
raaaaaaaahhdfsajwr. im an awful person.
oh well. more time tonight to ruin myself.

i tumble blindly as i make my way across the universe.

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 20:06:20 GMT

so today everything seems to be going well.

im on good terms with allen finally.
im applying for NFAA. (National Foundation for Advancement in the Arts) mainly because my photo teacher is making me. but hopefully it wont be a waste.
decembers getting closer. that means florida time.
i might be moving out finally. (withchels)
chelsea and i are starting a band. just us two.
just really experimental stuff.
were going to make it.
im going to get a tambourine and a ukulele soon. guitars going alright, im more coordinated. and im writing again. hopefully well throw in some piano/keyboard

so were going to travel across the country this summer bringing our instruments, dancing shoes, and voices.
and were going to document it all. photo and video. and meet tons of people. just play wherever we come across.

keep your fingers crossed. and be nice, so maybe well still talk to you when we're famous. haha :]

you changed some.

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 19:42:53 GMT

i have no idea whats happening.
i dont think i even think anymore.
i dont think thats possible though..
WHAT AM I DOING.

i'mnervous.
:[

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 20:30:37 GMT

im pretty sure im not going to apply to any art schools right now.
i need a year off. plus im not even sure if i want to go to art school.
im thinking of maybe making music.
but either way i still want to persue photography.
ive put up some new photos. afew are kinda cool.
( http://flickr.com/photos/54577111@N00 )

i need to drive across the country and expand by brain
i dont feel like rushin into much. ive got a while.

if ya feel like comin. id enjoy the company.
(darby, youre coming along. you have no choice. sorry)

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 01:34:55 GMT

just feel. and be.

chelsea and i are just too perfect. im so glad ive met her. were like a fucking movie friendship. like the adorable indie girls that are just so cute together its disgusting but youre also jealous. (or maybe were like dot and helen from gummo) just sitting in diners, eating pancakes, smoking and talking bad about people and world events. and then dancing two minutes later in a church parking lot. we embrace the night. almost every night. haha.
hopefully well be getting an apartment together in hampton or federal hill soon.

"you little mother nature divine sun bean, creating pixie dust, allowing fairies to dance in your moonlight. you little loveshine mama cita energy globe, glowing with laughterand baby giggles. smiles so big. radiates love and positivity"

thats all i could really make out from the scribbled letter i received in the mail today. but it made me smile.

the other weekend i was kind of stressed out and pessimistic about everything.

i walked to teh top of a hill and sat on the edge. i looked down on everything and everyone below that had no idea of my presence.
eventually i felt superior to every pitiful thing that passed my way. nothing that had hurt me in the past mattered because i was more powerful than the pain.
hours later i laid on my back. i looked up at the stars. and all those feelings of arrogance were completely overcome.
the lonely little girl, who minutes earlier was defeated by aloofness, was back. in her same shoes with little red bows.

i dontknow. i thought the contrast in emotion was pretty interesting.

please don't allow your voice to fade.
i hope that im not revealing too much.

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 00:04:46 GMT

why can't you just, be?

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 00:38:10 GMT

its days like today that make me realize life is alright
no matter whats happening in my head right now or from here on out.

meaghan and i rode the bus and lightrail down to soundgarden.
walked around the corner of broadway to find REGINA SPEKTOR. just fucking standing there.

i couldnt do anything but offer my biggest smile.
and she smiled back.

i saw everything i’ve seen. and i meant everything I mean.

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 01:18:54 GMT

bought some new guitar strings. guess ill pick back up.

If you read this, even if we do not speak often, comment with one memory of me.
It can be anything you want, good or bad.
Just as long as it happened.
Then post this on your livejournal to see what other people remember about you.

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 23:06:34 GMT

prepare for another one of my changes. this is how i dealwiht myproblems.

ive decided. to drop one of my painting classes. so i can spend more time locked in my room just reading psycho/science/medical/history babble.
pick back up on keeping a detailed (personal) journal. and probably start writing again. that could be whats missing. and if its not. then ill get out that big red pen and move on down the list.
onthe weekends illstay up all night under the stars with brie. chain smoking. and talking about everythign we know and think about life. we have a deepconnection. maybe ill marry that lovely girl someday.

im just going to become extremely pretentious and not give a shit about anyone anymore.
survivalofthefittest.or.heartless.

thats all i want to do. i don't really see an alternative.

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 19:56:04 GMT

this is how it works.
you're young until you're not.
you love until you don't.
you try until you can't.
you laugh until you cry.
you cry until you laugh.
and everyone must breathe
until their dying breath.

no, this is how it works.
you peer inside yourself,
you take the things you like.
and try to love the things you took.
you take that love you made,
and stick it into some..
someone elses heart.
pumping someone elses blood.
and walkin' arm in arm
you hope it dont get harmed.
but even if it does,
you'll just do it all again.

im so fucknig stupid. why didnt i prepare myself. i never let my guards down. i never let myself get hurt. why did i think it could be different. why was i so confident. i cant even stand up to myself or anyoen. why did i think i was ready. i might never be.
ill end up in a mental institution soon. i swear.
my moods are never stable. and ill pay for it in the end.
me and my stupid mind. keeping myself away from everything i want. im impatient and senseless.

ima paranoid androidette. wheres my R2-D2?

nono girl.

im walking down that empty road. but it aint empty now. because im on it.

breathe. or something, idiot hellface.

the big ONE EIGHT.

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 00:44:10 GMT

i had a wonderful birthday. with birthday pancakes. daniel johnston, james douglas judy, and exploding heads.

i wonder how much things will change from here. now that im an "adult"

he was smiling through his own personal hell.

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 20:09:35 GMT

dropped his last dime in a wishing well.
but he was hoping to close and then he fell.

mmmmm i feel i need to say something. i have no idea where i would start if i were to open my mind. or when i would end. so ill just keep it all.

i almost let out everything ever to everyone today. and i cant get rid of hte feeling.
its kinda nice though. ya know, the smile feeling you get in your organs. but i kinda wanna burst. and rain on everyone with my joy guts. DONTFAKEIT
i like existing right now. i havent felt like this in so long. and i hope its just the beginning. and not just one of my stupid acts. im ready to possibly respect myself. i want to connect. i want to expand my mind. i know exactly how i want to feel. ive only felt like it for one night of my life.

maybe i think too much. i may think too much. its a problem that i have.

my 18th birthday is on wednesday.
i hate gifts, so dont think about it. they make me uncomfortable.
but i would love to spend it with someone.
areyoutoonervoustobelovers?

youre a part time lover and a full time friend.

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 19:26:37 GMT

i feel goofy. like girl goof.

im not getting my hopes up.

i got a 15 dollar bike for my 18th birthday :]

now i need a roommate.
anyone else?

im willing to explode and thats alright.

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 19:43:10 GMT

i cut all of my hair off. i dont hate it. i dont really feel anything toward it. its hair. it always grows back. (( hair grows even after were dead))

oh well. new newnew. change.

i think im still trying to get over the past. it wont leave me alone. so ive been trying to face it lately. listening to old albums that ive refused to listen to for more than a year. it still hurts. it shouldnt. but i guess ill just never let go. oh well. my fault. its what i promised.
never again.

its difficult watching you go through the same thing Emily. i know how hard it is. and i dont want to see you in so much pain. but i believe you can make it. i believe in you. i love you. just give it a chance. see where it takes you. see what you can be.

i saw a lot of people this weekend. and it made me happy. sunshine. mmm

my birthdays in 9 days.
iwanna do something amazing. and be wit hsomeone amazing.

im complicated.

MY NEW NAME IS GUADALUPE.

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 00:16:29 GMT

oh god. here it comes.

ima mess. ima jerk. ima creep. ima scared little girl. i miss you. i need some glue. or tape. im starting to loose my grip. people disappoint me. i disappoint me. i would like a bike.

i school started today. i got into figure 2 so i can be with the rest of the seniors. its going to be a great class. but im pretty intimidated. most everyone is a bit more experience than i am. but it will be good for me to have teh bar set higher. this years going to go by so fast. applying for college. redoing my AP portfolio. i only got a 4 this year. and senior shows. my non existent childhood will be over before i know it. i also have painting 3 and im a photo aid. so ill be adding a lot to my portfolio.
my stomach is in knots already. early decision for Pratt is due in november. its the only school im applying to. i hope i dont regret it. but i mean. i dont want to go anywhere else. i had an interview this summer with admissions and i think it went pretty well. at least she told me i had a good chance. if shes lying and i get rejected i swear ill just jump off a bridge. hahahaha oh god ima strung out mamacita :[ IMA IMA IMA IMA.
my mind has just been full of ideas lately. im excited to get all this junk outta my head and onto some canvas/cardboard.
mmm i can already feel the not eating or sleeping.
WORKHARDWORKHARDWORKHARDPRATTPRATTPRATTPRATT.

i need to stop with this current phase of constant emo music im falling apart with elliott smith. i love him. but NOT NOW. I NEED TO HIDE THESE DEPRESSING CDS wheres my electronica babies. inspireinspireinspire. DANGER DANGER. im fidgeting.

brie you need to come over and we need to have an all day/night paint session. jesus i love brie.

I NEED SUPPORT RIGHT NOW. SOMEBODY HOLD ME. i feel like im standing at the edge of a 10 mile high building. and damn, imafraid of heights son.

IMA FAKER. FRAUD. CROOK. I SMILED TOO MUCH TODAY.

my birthdays in 4 weeks. big 18. i never do anything for my birthday so lets do something outrageous.

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 04:32:55 GMT

so my "running away" to florida didnt really work out so well. i realized how tough things were going to be since i was goign to be on my own completely. not only that. but when you want to go back to the past.. and you do. its never really the same. even being back in maryland isnt the same. im not close to people anymore. people left for college. im just fucked right now. im stuck.

im so dependent on change. i need it to keep my mind off how bored and depressed i am. i want to go everywhere and meet everyone. i dont think ill ever be happy in just one place.
but then again im not even sure if ill ever be happy period.

raaawrr im frustrated in so many ways. im tired of being alone. i feel like im wasting energy. i need to spend it on someone.

i need to make art. ive been dry fora while.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
never.

BACKSTREETS BACK! ALRIGHT!

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 16:29:52 GMT

reasons why i love my grandma to death.

1. when i was little and went to her house for the weekend we would order pizza and eat every junk food we found at the grocery store over horror movies and star wars.

2. we went hiking in the woods behind her trailor in kansas when i was little. and she would tell stories about dwarfs who gave pills to kids.

3. she names her pets "herkamer" "rufus" "hoogabogaseega" "miss kitty"

3. she tapes entire seasons of "the crocodile hunter" because she thinks i like crocodiles. or im in love with steve irwin.

4. she just bought me the backstreet boys first album because she thinks im still 11 years old.

so anyways. now that my life is complete with my backsteret boys cd..

who wants to have a dance party?